I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize