he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize