i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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