thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize