Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
