Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
