True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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