Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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