I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
