he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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