i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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