my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
