dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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