I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
