i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
