If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize