Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
