I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
