remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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