I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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