At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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