we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
