Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think I just sharted jello shots
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
