I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She announced her abortion via fbk
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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