tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
