It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
