Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
