I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
