Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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