in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
