She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think i have herpe
just one?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
