Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
