remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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