I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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