9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
