Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
