Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
