after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
