I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
