So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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