My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
