My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
