Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
smell my finger.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
