I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
