I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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