At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize