Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
