i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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