everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
