i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
