shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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