This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
