He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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