Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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