i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
40s are totally the cure
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
