then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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