by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
