she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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