I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
