ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
