before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
