first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
