The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize