I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
