it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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