you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
