I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize