i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
