AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
