If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
