Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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